up by your bootstraps

for a second there i think i was seriously thinking about thinking about fleeing the country. and they havent even given us our passports back. i want toast and to be surrounded by understanding people and scrabble and work and bicycle bicycle bicycle and knowing the city and not being too scared and not being too different and pizza and mountains and swimming and non-life threatening stories and warm people and my ankle boots.
jarlath told me that "the way that i look" is "a hazard." what does that mean anyway? and what does that mean i'm supposed to do about it anyway? how many glamour shots did that stupid study abroad company make us submit and if they really though "the way that i look" was going to be "a hazard" they could have refused all the money we threw at them and arent really getting back in return. they told me if i fuck up again i'll be sent home and i had this plan of going out with a bang and if i saw one more person slumped in the street or another grabby drunk where no one cares about you it was about time to go big and get sent home. of course things like that never work out that way for me and id probably just get arrested for stepping on the grass and itd be goodbye ruskies.





fortunately, st. petersburg has incredibly quick turn around in ways i cant explain.
so i just wont even try.
it helps to remember why im here.
my boots are all fixed but my favorite ring's still broken.


just know that the city's just not the same alone. or without yous guys.
no one buy a leather jacket while im away. im totally over seeing them. and the thungs that wear them.