friend envy

sara and i used to talk about how when we were little and even now there's people you want to be your friend super bad and you dont even know them but you figure it'd be super nice and they'd call you up on the phone and you'd go get a cup of coffee and they'd tell you things that had nothing to do with why you had friend lust for them in the beginning like talking about their dog or something they saw on tv about sea creatures.

and i really wish charlie kaufman were my friend.
and its silly that they mention in his biography that he went to school with Christopher Columbus. I dont know, its weird to think about his stuff and then home alone.

and this is mostly for liz and every interview i read of his changes the way i feel about things and not because its horribly spiritual or emotional but its on a plate this is this is this and it never is supposed to be about what i associate it with but it kind of just wraps itself exactly the way its supposed to be exactly the way it is. and he never leads onto elaborate references; i feel like if you asked him something about Alexander Pope he'd mumble and probably change the subject and kind of think that was annoying.

"this character which is like the free-spirited, kooky woman who only exists in order to teach man how to live" and i feel like that was russia.

"We all create the world outside of us. Parallel to the thing I was saying about time—this is a very subjective experience, being alive. You’re constantly interpreting and reinterpreting and trying to figure out “The Story.” You’re trying to figure out the story of me, and I’m trying to figure out the story of you and somehow incorporate that into my understanding of the world. We tell stories, as people. [But] I don’t think, if you stepped back from people, there are any stories. I don’t think the world really exists that way. It’s the way our brains work, it’s the way we try to organize input."

and all of this is totally cheesy but i really like charlie

"I wanted to build a casino in Las Vegas called Las Vegas, Las Vegas. Like the idea of Paris, Las Vegas (the real life casino) is that you don’t have to actually go there — their campaign is something like ‘all the best of Paris without the French people.’ So then (with Las Vegas, Las Vegas,) there’s the idea that you don’t actually have to go to Paris, Las Vegas either because there’s a replica of all of Vegas—including Paris, Las Vegas—within this other casino. So you get even more safe by not having to go out into the strip at all. I thought that would be a pretty successful resort."

also someone called him "so meta" and thats reason enough to want to be his friend weather or not he actually is "meta" and whatever that even really means anyway

back on track

five times turned down for twistie cones this week and it didnt help anything. and then we decided to fix it. and the first mcdonald's we rolled up to had it. ate it in staples parking lot like the old times but not in front of baskin robins because we were chicken and it was open.
and then we see this parade rolling down the street. like 20 kids and a shopping cart and hula hoops and a ghetto blaster. and we looped back for a better look and slowed down and they were all strung out and looking into the light like zombies. and then looped again. and then determined to go find them later but fell asleep by accident.
funsavers with olive, and then the dog park with roxanne and it was 5 of us and 1 dog having the time of our lives and getting abused by this puggish mutt Brutus who kept kicking water on us and pissed on roxanne's leash and then this tiny dog with a mustache who had a british owner. later i dragged roxanne away from an awful hardcore show going on at her house and took her on the longest walk i think she'd ever managed and was sure i might have to go scout a shopping cart and push her the rest of the way. also she pooped in someone's lawn and i had to fashion a bag out of paper from my purse. flug it in the gutter when i got desperate. roxanne got excited for 5 minutes and then fell asleep for 3 hours.
olivia and i took off to go find the mountain and got side tracked for supplies for a 2 am picnic and drove out until stars started appearing and every trail was closed and even mystery castle but the city was lit up and the roads were windy and the valley's greatest oldies were pretty spot on.

GOLD RUSH AUGUST

two thousand nine

lists

the goods

1. take offs in airplanes
2. orange blossom smell in springtime
3. barefoot
4. riding fast downhill and not being scared
5. waking up outside


the needs

1. motion
2. wandering
3. outside
4. writing
5. finding out something new
6. something new


the first day in russia we were in that weird retirement home in repina and the elevator was a broom closet and the sheets in all of our rooms were mismatched and like a yard sale and we walked to the ocean. and then we walked farther and farther down the beach and to a really large rock we didn't think the sea would touch but it did it anyway and then farther and we all got a lot of sand in our shoes but we made it to a tiny cluster of graffitti rocks and they were rainbows and hearts and sara and liz were the only ones there with me except for those two russian boys who finally followed all the way and told us we had to go back.

in saratoga there was that really dirty teepee in the middle of the woods and we brought a laptop and watched welcome to the doll house which wasnt like we were expecting and i was too dirty to get any mosquito bites.